Monday, September 16, 2013

Time to take a step back . . . and relax

This book promotion thing can get a person down. Sometimes you just need to kick back and relax for a while. Get a fresh perspective on things.
After coming down with food poisoning for a few days, and no, it wasn’t my wife’s cooking, I have decided to take my insurance agent’s advice concerning my bottle of Absinthe that I purchased from France to help me celebrate.
I originally had planned to pop the cork when my book was published, but for some strange reason I didn’t feel much like celebrating. Then I was going to celebrate when I sold my first 100 books. Still didn’t feel it. Next was receiving my tenth 5 star review on Amazon. That didn’t do the trick either.
And then the other day my friend and insurance agent, Marci (another coincidence; she’s French and so is my fictional character, Henri Richaud) gave me a great idea for drinking that bottle of Absinthe. While I was lamenting the fact that I haven’t cleaned the house in over two months, Marci shared with me her secret.
Her preferred method of cleaning a house from top to bottom is to start early in the afternoon with a bottle of wine. By the time she finishes the bottle, she is also finished cleaning the house. And the wine helps put her to sleep after a long day of cleaning. 
Due to my size, Marci says a bottle of wine probably won’t suffice. But a bottle of Absinthe? Now that would be just the ticket, and it’ll solve both my problems: a dirty house and an unpopped celebratory bottle. And when my book hits the NY Times bestseller list I can take my wife to Paris and have a proper celebration.
So that is my plan for today. I will pop the bottle of Absinthe at 2PM Central Standard Time and drink two shots an hour for the first two hours, followed by one shot every hour thereafter . . . subject of course to modification at the author’s discretion. And when I wake up tomorrow, I’m just going to kick back and relax. Maybe go to the lakefront or visit the Art Institute. Have a few Tacos Carne Asada and a glass of water (I figure I will be hung-over from the Absinthe).
And if you don’t hear from me for a few days? That means the house was dirtier than I had thought.

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